Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
