i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
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She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
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Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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