Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
