youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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