Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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