"it" just moved
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
