She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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