so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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