nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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