We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
