Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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