Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
