wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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