I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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