I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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