My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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