i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary