it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.