Did you just see the Batmobile???
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i now understand why vodka
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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