I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.