The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.