This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"