Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize