his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize