im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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