i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
