Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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