Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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