You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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