just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
