I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
