Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
