i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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