The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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