Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
