TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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