Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
