Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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