Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
