You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
