I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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