The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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