You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
