Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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