I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
