Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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