well most of my day revolves around power hour
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize