Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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