my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
