did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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