wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
