Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This is classic penis vs brain.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
