no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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