i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
