If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
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