East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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