Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
