batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
