Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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