My hand turned me down
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
