So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
