I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
