so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
