You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
