I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize