I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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