I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
