i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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