then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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