Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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